Get round the blog scene

First Blog ever. I said i would never make a blog for a few reasons. One: I figure I dont have time to sit on the internet and write an online diary. Two: writing an online diary is stupid. Three: I can't remember what the third reason was, but my reasoning usually comes in threes so i'm assuming there was a third.
At this very moment in time, I'm stuck in limbo. I know who I am and I know where I am, but I can't get out. Well not anytime soon actually. Something you should know about me is that I use the word "I" alot. I'm basically an only child. So i'm selfish and spoilt. You can choose to hate me for it or you can get the hell over it. It doesn't make me a bad person, and I wouldn't say I've become totally self absorbed becuase of it, but it has made me used to getting what I want and getting my own way. I am Aliki Jean Doreen Teresa Watson-Jones. It is a fact that there is only one black family in Bendigo, a city with 100,000+ people and I belong to it. If I am gregarious, over the top, in your face and act like I own the place because of it, so be it. You need to stop judging me and realise that you will never BE me. I definietly cannot be who or what you expect me to be. Thus, I am inconvenient. I don't love myself and I have more self loathing than your average person. Don't try and change this. Nothing you can say, or do will make me into a better person. I most probably don't trust you, especially if you are nice, and definietley not if you say trust me. If you break me, I'll break you. And if you think I'm scared of you and have commitment/intimacy issues, you'd be so correct it isn't funny.
Something/Someone broke me once, it shattered my life. I shattered my own life. I put myself back together. Just me and God. I swear I am not lying when I say that if anyone ever breaks me like that again, I will make them wish they had never been born. Oh plus I ramble, like right now. I'm rambling.
The only thing that's gets me up every morning is knowing im forgiven. Coz i've made so many mistakes, but God still loves me. The worst thing is I don't acknowledge His love as often as i should, but every now and again I stop, and realise how lucky I am to be alive. Some people don't survive what I survived. But I did, and it's the reason I'm still singing. For that reason alone, I'm going to sing now.

Hear these praises from a grateful heart
Each time I think of you, The praises start
Love you so much, Jesus
Love you so much.
Lord I love you, my soul sings
In your presence, carry on your wings
Love you so much, Jesus
Love you so much
How my soul longs for you
Longs to worship you forever
In your power and majesty
I lift my hands, I lift my heart
Lift my voice towards the heavens
For you are my strength and shield.