new story of my life.

By my side,

you’ll never be.

By my side,

you’ll. never. be.

'Cause I’m fake at the seams,

I’m lost in my dreams,

And I want you to know,

that I can’t let you go.

And you’re never coming home again,

And you’re never coming home again.

By my side,

you’ll never be.

By my side,

you’ll. never. be.

I wanted to tell you I changed.

I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.

I see you, you see me,

Differently.

I see you, you see me,

Differently.

You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.......

rude...

if you died, i probably wouldn't cry.
it sounds so mean.
but it's true.




is it mean to tell the truth even if it's the truth??
i really wouldn't cry.
i'd probably say "unluckyyyyy."
everyone's gonna die eventually. even you.
i'm not a bitch. i'm just honest. i dont like you. i dont like the way you act, the way you carry yourself or the fact that if i could be you, i would be you. i dont like you.



i'm mad at you because i think i deserve much better than you. that's all.

ihavenocaption.

You can't label every part of your life. year 12, female, in a relationship bla bla bla. it doesn't work. there are undefinable regions of a person. like introns in DNA. noone quite knows what they do, but we assume they're important, or why would they be there??
You can't BE all the time. Sometimes you are NOT. right now, i am NOT. i'm in-between. careers, future, jobs, exams, sleep/awakeness, christianity and hell. hiter nor dither. single/taken. why isn't there a little un-definable button for this stage in life? there is for afterlife. it's called limbo. i don't feel like shimmying under a pole in the Bahamas right now. i feel like i want life presented to me on a plate, right between my enter score and free flight overseas. i'm pretty tired of pretending to care, i miss the simple life. i miss the late night text messaging and complaining about my job, i miss posing for photos and getting yelled at for not cleaning my room. i miss my mum being well and i miss my sister living at home....... i miss being 17. 18 sucks. no, 18 is good--> lifelimbo sucks.

where does it stop? where do i get to choose? does there come a point when i smile really big and say "i win!!" or do i remain this person forever? in a way i'm grateful, because i was that girl who needed to be reminded, and now i am reminded. so thanks... i think.

i dont like being presented with endless choices, and really isn't that what life is all about? maybe that's why i'm failing at life. i don't want a relationship, i'm not that girl. I'm hurt and broken. I know i'm kinda strange, it's because i've been damaged. You can't see that and keep pushing me. the more you push, the more i back away. yes i'm scared....no i don't need you to save me.

I have beautiful friends, but can i rely on them to save me? are they what i get up for every morning? i can't, i refuse to live through them. i can dance, i can sing...but i dont want you to listen or watch. i can't sleep, because sleeping means dreaming, and dreaming only leads to disappointment. you can't save me... so please don't try--> i have a feeling you'll come back to me... please don't. it's safer with you there and me here. ahh the rantings of an 18 year old.